Embracing Defeat — The Calling of Life
Firstly I wish to state that these are my thoughts, something I dwell on. I am mainly writing to practice writing, thinking and problem-solving, for this reason, something I utter might not be understood. I do not claim these are facts nor that this applies to everything and anything. There are always those on the far spectrum of the normal distribution, bear that in mind. With that out of the way if you have any information that you wish to share, critique or just discuss something — you can comment or send me a message on Instagram or Facebook.
Defining Duality
There's something amazingly calm in theorizing about the nature of yin and yang. The Chaos and Order.
What if the good was only good, and the bad was only bad? Would life be simpler?
When I was a child I was very religious. Maybe in a wrong way as I didn’t know much about Christianity, but regardless I was fearful not of God but of the battle I imagined happening at that time.
I thought there was an “eternal” battle between God and Satan, maybe not a literal one — with devils and angels slaying each other — but with people, their morality, consciousness, and intentions.
I asked myself often, as young as I was:
“What if evil overcomes”, “What if people start hurting each other all the time”, “What if Earth becomes Hell”…
I was young, and I took the existence of Good and Evil to the heart and thought that we should aim to feel, be and do Good and to avoid Evil at all costs. Sounds simple right?
Well, what if the world was not black and white, what if one cannot exist without the other? What if we should only strive for the gray area as it seems the most productive one?
It sparked my interest in the duality of the world. And as terrifying as it was thinking those thoughts at that time, I think it was productive for my future. I think Good and Evil are better described as Order and Chaos, these two pairs are not exactly the same, but it’s close. You can define and explain it easier this way, and explore the chaotic nature of the world without the fear of being led into Evil.
Numerous stories have been told about how too much Good( see, it's better if we use Order ) can be harmful. What does absolute Order look like? Well, it would definitely mean freedom from choice. You would need to do, look and think like everyone else.
But on the other hand, what would absolute Chaos look like? You guessed it, complete and utter Anarchy.
If you don’t expose a child to Evil or Chaos during his early life ( meaning to protect your child absolutely from all kinds of negativity, responsibility, disease ), it can have a bad impact on his life. The child might not realize the difference between the two, might be gullable thinking everything is nice and wonderful and no one wants to cross or hurt him, or worst-case scenario is to become completely incompetent.
But you can also rise beyond and find wisdom but only after you face Chaos. In the same way, a child or a person who has known only Chaos, terror or misery his whole life — It can have catastrophic consequences, or in a small number of cases adapt and be stronger because of it. The most enlightening story I’ve heard about this is the story of Siddhartha Gautama — Buddha.
There is clarity in Chaos, wisdom, and sincerity but you have to choose whether you will learn from Chaos, or fall victim to it.
Embracing Defeat
I think its the most accurate title of what I am trying to talk about. I’ve failed a lot in my life. And the more I think about it, it seems every path I have chosen has been wrong. I was depressed, miserable and was very unhappy with myself.
But since everything in life has both good and bad outcomes, sometimes not so clear, mine has been very dim and hard to learn from, which is my own mistake. As Japanese proverb says:
~ “We learn little from victory, much from defeat.”~
I’ve noticed there are quite a few people who find these sorts of quotes irritating or untrue. Well, there's nothing to argue, if victory was so great there would be a MASSIVE, like literally unbelievable unfairness in the world. People who win will continue winning, Empires wouldn’t fall and Civilizations would be undying.
What do I mean by this? By winning you breed arrogance within yourself, you blind yourself from potential threats and become vulnerable. And even if you were the purest, the wisest person in the world — You also create the challenge of greatness, which others will rise to answer, and sooner or later, your Empire will crumble.
But since there is a victory in defeat, but only if you learn from it, you can rise stronger than before and to me, that seems fair.
Nothing lasts forever, and I think duality has a big influence on this.
“Wealth does not pass three generations” ~ Chinese proverb
Also, D.H. Lawrence had a great quote on this too.
The only cure for the crumbling Empire that I can possibly think of would be cloning( creating the individual with a lifetime of knowledge of the previous one ) sounds silly but could work.
I also think because all things have Good and Bad inside them, there is no Ultimate Good or Ultimate Evil deed. Whatever you do you will contribute to both the development and destruction of the world — I would connect this to the butterfly effect.
… It’s the eye of the tigeeer, it’s the thrill of the fight risin’ up to the challenge of our rivaal…
Oh sorry, I was getting pumped up.
What is stress, suffering?
Many people declare life as suffering. Okay, but what about its wonderful moments?
If we enjoyed every second of every day, for eternity. Would life matter?
Doesn’t suffering and shortness of life make it special, worth living and exploring?
I don’t think you would get out of bed for a hundred years if you lived for an eternity.
So if you spend your life achieving nothing, quite literally nothing. How would you feel, truly?
“No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.” ― Socrates
Was this truly said by Socrates? I do not know. But its an interesting quote regardless, and it doesn’t have to apply to physical activities only. If you believe in God or not, you cannot deny the complexity of the human body and brain. I dare say the potential is… limitless…
And you the individual have been given this amazing gift of life, and you don’t have the right not to use what you were rightfully given.
But in order to achieve greatness, sacrifice and suffering await. Sacrifice is not always known or defined, sometimes it is minimal. Sometimes the sacrifice is not a sacrifice but a blessing. We all are capable of greatness, being marked as legendary individuals. But resolve and strength of character are what determines if you are truly fit for the sacrifice that awaits you.
So the question is…
What are you willing to sacrifice, and what are you willing to achieve?
Do you want your name to live on, or do you want to have a decent family life and be harmonious, or do you want to live in misery and ignorance?
These are not the only options, of course, I generalized them in three groups that seemed fit. As I said there are always exceptions. One can be the greatest person ever to live, have a personal life and family, and live in complete misery. It could happen, why not?
People avoid stress, but many don’t know what stress is or why it happens.
Could stress be the indicator of change?
I’ve had a keen eye on myself when I feel stressed. I usually feel stronger, is it my body’s natural response when a change happens that I need to adjust, therefore it's giving me the strength needed to overcome that uncomfortable change? Could be.
I mean that could be the reason that the number one response to stress is exercise. To release that extra energy, since you probably haven’t used it to overcome the challenge, heh.
What have I learned?
As I mentioned, I had some epic failures in life. And often I have imagined what my life would be like if I wasn’t a complete imbecile and made those mistakes. I probably wouldn’t like myself If I made every right choice, honest.
I cannot possibly think about how my life would be like exactly, but I can guess some approximate points that describe it. Would it be a better life than a life full of mistakes, and if I haven’t pulled myself together? Absolutely!
Would it be better than it is right now? Probably not.
Reason?
Well if I made every right decision, I would feed the arrogance I already had. And I think arrogance is one of the worst qualities to have.
I was consumed by my own stupidity, not by a tragic event or a belief in being unlucky. Sure I had my own share of life’s greatest hits, but my worst enemy was always myself.
So I befriended the enemy, learned what he desires, learned how he thinks and learned his many weaknesses.
I spent a lot of time thinking about Newton's laws of motion. Specifically the law of inertia.
If you had a ritual or a habit that you repeat every day, let's say it was a bad habit, nail-biting?
Would you wake up one day, without any previous interference and suddenly stop doing it? No, a really hard no.
You need something… either motivation, disgust, fear or literally any feeling or force to change a habit. Maybe even an epiphany.
This is a really strong statement because we are too focused on our daily routines and we don’t think too much of the little things, and can get lost into managing more important stuff.
The trigger for change can happen by choice or by accident.
What has risen me from the “dead”?
Would I be too predictable if I said a person, a girl?
She was an ignition, my will and motivation were the fuel, still are, years later.
I don’t believe in true love, destiny or stuff like that. I believe in personal choices and responsibility.
And my choice was to be better, it was my choice and no one else's.
Like Buddha, I have seen beyond my little world and was offered a choice:
Be better or be gone.
I’m not comparing myself to Buddha, and our circumstances were different. I saw something beautiful, something amazing, the life I could have. Buddha saw something else entirely. And I think most people have seen the life they could have.
But the cage we all have, that limits our growth but also protects us is locked by our own sciolism.
I rose to the challenge of my “rival”, it was hard, it was painful, but I felt joy and happiness whenever a small achievement is reached. I recalled my life, wrote down notes, cringed so hard my face deformed from all the bad decisions in my life.
But now I am happy with where I am, I am happy with who I am.
And hope you will be too! :)
